Question

假設(shè)你是李華，幾天前你從某國(guó)外網(wǎng)站購(gòu)買了一支錄音筆，現(xiàn)在你發(fā)電子郵件到該網(wǎng)站反映以下問題：1.音質(zhì)不太清楚；2.操作不簡(jiǎn)便；3.經(jīng)常出問題。
期待的解決辦法：1.退貨退款；2.修理或調(diào)換。
注意：1.字?jǐn)?shù)不得少于100字，開頭結(jié)尾不計(jì)入總字?jǐn)?shù)；
2.可適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，試行文連貫；
3.參考詞匯 錄音筆  recording pen
Dear Sir or Madam,
                                                                            
                                                                            
                                                                            
Best wishes,
Yours,
li Hua

Answer 1

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to tell you something about the recording pen . I bought it from your website several days ago .However , there seems to be something wrong with it .First , the voice isn’t so clear as you claimed .Second ,it’s not easy to operate , which has caused me much trouble .What I expect is a human –friendly one. Third , it often breaks down , while a recording pen at such a price shouldn’t have had so many problems.
Due to its poor quality and much inconvenience it has caused, I wonder whether you can do something about it .I would appreciate it very much if I can get my money back . I’ll send it back to you as soon as you return the money to me. If it can’t be helped, I wish you could have it repaired or changed.
I’m looking forward to your early reply .
Best wishes,
Yours ,
Li Hua

試題分析：本篇書面表達(dá)是要求寫封電子郵件，反映所購(gòu)買產(chǎn)品的質(zhì)量問題。電子郵件是人們?nèi)粘Ｉ�活中常用的一種應(yīng)用文體，同學(xué)們應(yīng)該對(duì)寫作格式很熟悉，但是在寫作時(shí)要注意以下方面：一. 因?yàn)槭欠从硢栴}，所以要求語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)潔，條理清楚，把存在的問題和自己的要求表達(dá)準(zhǔn)確；二. 雖然產(chǎn)品存在問題，但是語(yǔ)言仍要委婉，禮貌顯示出作者的修養(yǎng)；三. 時(shí)態(tài)方面，因?yàn)槭菙⑹霎a(chǎn)品現(xiàn)在存在的問題，所以可以用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)態(tài)，期待解決辦法部分可以使用將來(lái)時(shí)態(tài)。四. 注意適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，使語(yǔ)言更為通順，行文更為連貫。
【亮點(diǎn)說(shuō)明】文章要點(diǎn)全面，詳略得當(dāng)。關(guān)聯(lián)詞語(yǔ) first。。。second 。。。third 等詞的使用使文章層次分明，脈絡(luò)清楚。其次, 文中定語(yǔ)從句which has caused me much trouble . 并列句while a recording pen at such a price shouldn’t… 條件狀語(yǔ)從句if I can get my money back和主語(yǔ)從句等的使用豐富了范文的句式，也成了文章的一大亮點(diǎn)。此外, 作者在表述要求和解決辦法時(shí)使用了I wonder whether…; .I would appreciate it very much if…和I wish you could…等等，這些委婉的措辭顯得作者態(tài)度特別禮貌誠(chéng)懇，使人不忍拒絕。