Question

你剛從電視上獲悉，2014年4月5日清晨，云南永善縣發(fā)生了5.3級(jí)地震。地震造成25人受傷，6.86萬(wàn)人受災(zāi)，22239間房受損，1651間倒塌，很多人無(wú)家可歸。地震過(guò)后，交通被堵塞，水電供應(yīng)也中斷了。重建家園迫在眉睫。消息播出以后, 人們紛紛伸出了援助之手。作為班長(zhǎng)，你也想號(hào)召你們班的同學(xué)奉獻(xiàn)愛(ài)心。請(qǐng)以班委會(huì)的名義用英語(yǔ)寫一封倡議書。詞數(shù)120左右（開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾已給出，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)）。
要點(diǎn)如下：
1. 地震造成的重大損失;
2. 大家紛紛獻(xiàn)出愛(ài)心;
3. 作為學(xué)生我們?cè)撟鲂┦裁矗?br />Dear classmates,
________________________________________________________________________
Class Committee 

Answer 1

Dear classmates,
April5,2014, a magnitude-5.3 earthquake attacked Yongshan County of Yunnan Province unexpectedly. It did great harm to the county. As a result of the earthquake, at least 25 people were injured; about 68,600 people were affected, and what was worse, many more people were made homeless. After the earthquake, the traffic was blocked and the supply of water and electricity was cut off. It is urgent to rebuild their homes and they are badly in need of help.
After the news was reported, people all over the country showed their love and care in different ways.
As students,we should give a hand to those people in trouble. So offer your only pocket money, and let’s help to fill the world with love.
Class Committee

試題分析：這是提綱類寫作，考生要先審清題目要求，確定好作文人稱、時(shí)態(tài)、寫作要點(diǎn)、段落等基本內(nèi)容。本文的話題是云南永善縣的地震，文章的要點(diǎn)也基本上都給出來(lái)了，內(nèi)容有：1. 地震造成的重大損失; 2. 大家紛紛獻(xiàn)出愛(ài)心; 3. 作為學(xué)生我們?cè)撟鲂┦裁�？顯然單單翻譯要點(diǎn)肯定是不夠的，考生要適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，如造成的損失要具體的說(shuō)明，大家怎么獻(xiàn)出愛(ài)心，最后一條可以結(jié)合自己的生活進(jìn)行闡述。明確作文的基本內(nèi)容后，就是選用準(zhǔn)確的詞匯和恰當(dāng)?shù)木渥觼?lái)表達(dá)。在寫作的過(guò)程中，要注意使用高級(jí)詞匯和高級(jí)句型，讓文章更有文采。同時(shí)在列舉措施的時(shí)候要使用合適的連接詞如： Besides, What’s more等，讓文章看起來(lái)很有條理，也很流暢。
【亮點(diǎn)說(shuō)明】范文要點(diǎn)明確，語(yǔ)言精煉，好的短語(yǔ)居多：do great harm to 對(duì)…造成傷害，As a result of 由于，因?yàn)椋?cut off切斷， in different ways以不同的方式，. It is urgent to rebuild their homes and they are badly in need of help.這句話使用了it做形式主語(yǔ)， As students,we should give a hand to those people in trouble.這句話使用了those指代“那些人”還有介詞短語(yǔ)做定語(yǔ)。另外文章還使用了what was worse,使文章讀起來(lái)更加連貫。