Question

最近，你們班召開了以“我的中國夢”為主題的班會活動,每位同學都暢談了自己對中國夢的理解。請寫一篇日記，記述班會情況及自己的感受。內(nèi)容要點如下：
1.同學們談到中國夢紛紛表示大受鼓舞;
2.你談到了自己的夢想;
3.如何實現(xiàn)自己的夢想。
要求:(1)詞數(shù)100字左右;
(2)在答題卡上作答。
April 8 Monday Fine
Recently we had a class meeting on the topic of My Chinese Dream. Inspired by President Xi’s Chinese Dream, everyone talked enthusiastically about his understanding of the Chinese Dream. We all believe that this dream will come true in the future. I also talked about my own dream. I have always wanted to be a doctor. Not only can doctors save people’s lives but also they are doing a respectable job. Doctors can also help people to live a better life with their professional knowledge .To realize my dream, I must try to work hard from now on. I must learn as much as I can so that I can get into a good medical college, where I can prepare myself adequately for the job of a doctor. Only in this way can I accomplish my goal.

Answer 1

One possible version:
April 8 Monday Fine
Recently we had a class meeting on the topic of My Chinese Dream. Inspired by President Xi’s Chinese Dream, everyone talked enthusiastically about his understanding of the Chinese Dream. We all believe that this dream will come true in the future. I also talked about my own dream. I have always wanted to be a doctor. Not only can doctors save people’s lives but also they are doing a respectable job. Doctors can also help people to live a better life with their professional knowledge .To realize my dream, I must try to work hard from now on. I must learn as much as I can so that I can get into a good medical college, where I can prepare myself adequately for the job of a doctor. Only in this way can I accomplish my goal.

試題分析：本篇書面表達是一篇日記。在寫作時要注意使用第一人稱。日記是記敘已經(jīng)發(fā)生過的事情，要用一般過去時，此篇文章內(nèi)容是暢談夢想，所以也會使用一般現(xiàn)在時或一般將來時來表述現(xiàn)在的感受或者未來的行動。此外，分析要點可知文章內(nèi)容要涉及三個方面，即同學們的感受、自己的夢想和自己的打算，在寫作時要恰當使用連接詞把這三個方面有機聯(lián)系起來。而且寫作時還應注意細節(jié)上的補充以豐富文章內(nèi)容，使行文連貫順暢。
【亮點說明】文章符合日記文體的要求，而且要點全面，結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。文中使用了多種表達方式，如非謂語短語Inspired by President Xi’s Chinese Dream,不定式短語To realize my dream,狀語從句so that I can get into a good medical college和定語從句where I can prepare myself adequately for the job of a doctor.等，使文章句式豐富，亮點紛呈。兩個倒裝句Not only can doctors save people’s lives but also they are doing a respectable job.和Only in this way can I accomplish my goal.的使用不但豐富了句式，同時也使文章上下銜接更為緊湊。此外，高級詞匯enthusiastically、 accomplish、 adequately等的出現(xiàn)也提高了作文的檔次。