Question

假設(shè)你是李華，幾天前你從某國外網(wǎng)站購買一支錄音筆，現(xiàn)在你發(fā)電子郵件到該網(wǎng)站反應(yīng)以下問題：
1．音質(zhì)不太清楚；2.操作不簡便：3.經(jīng)常出問題。
期待的解決辦法：1.退貨退款；2.修理或調(diào)換。
注意：1.詞數(shù)100左右，開頭和結(jié)束語已為你寫好，不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)；
2．可適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，以使行文連貫；
3．參考詞匯：錄音筆 recording pen。
Dear Sir or Madam，
I’m writing to tell you something about the recording pen I bought from your website several days ago.
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Yours，
Li Hua

Answer 1

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to tell you something about the recording pen . I bought it from your website several days ago .However , there seems to be something wrong with it .First , the voice isn’t so clear as you claimed .Second ,it’s not easy to operate , which has caused me much trouble .What I expect is a human –friendly one. Third , it often breaks down , while a recording pen at such a price shouldn’t have had so many problems.
Due to its poor quality and much inconvenience it has caused, I wonder whether you can do something about it .I would appreciate it very much if I can get my money back . I’ll send it back to you as soon as you return the money to me. If it can’t be helped, I wish you could have it repaired or changed.
I’m looking forward to your early reply .
Best wishes,
Yours,
Li Hua

試題分析：本篇書面表達(dá)是要求寫封電子郵件，反映所購買產(chǎn)品的質(zhì)量問題。電子郵件是人們?nèi)粘Ｉ�活中常用的一種應(yīng)用文體，同學(xué)們應(yīng)該對寫作格式很熟悉，但是在寫作時(shí)要注意以下方面：一. 因?yàn)槭欠从硢栴}，所以要求語言簡潔，條理清楚，把存在的問題和自己的要求表達(dá)準(zhǔn)確；二. 雖然產(chǎn)品存在問題，但是語言仍要委婉，禮貌顯示出作者的修養(yǎng)；三. 時(shí)態(tài)方面，因?yàn)槭菙⑹霎a(chǎn)品現(xiàn)在存在的問題，所以可以用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)態(tài)，期待解決辦法部分可以使用將來時(shí)態(tài)。四. 注意適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，使語言更為通順，行文更為連貫。
【亮點(diǎn)說明】文章要點(diǎn)全面，詳略得當(dāng)。關(guān)聯(lián)詞語 first。。。second 。。。third 等詞的使用使文章層次分明，脈絡(luò)清楚。其次, 文中定語從句which has caused me much trouble . 并列句while a recording pen at such a price shouldn’t… 條件狀語從句if I can get my money back和主語從句等的使用豐富了范文的句式，也成了文章的一大亮點(diǎn)。此外, 作者在表述要求和解決辦法時(shí)使用了I wonder whether…; .I would appreciate it very much if…和I wish you could…等等，這些委婉的措辭顯得作者態(tài)度特別禮貌誠懇，使人不忍拒絕。